A bitch in the office - Part 2

Did you think about what you would do if you were Clara? I asked my participants in the "Women in Business" seminar this question and got a lot of different answers. In this post I will share the results of their discussion with you, and outline the pros and cons of each option.
First of all, Clara could continue fighting with the bee. This means, nothing will change. Every day goes on as the former one, including bad gut feelings on the way to the office, bitter flavors during the day, and an exhausted Clara in the evening. My participants agreed, that this would not be a good option. A change needs to be implemented. But which?
Clara could just quit the job. Leaving all this stressful environment behind, starting new somewhere else. This could work. Getting rid of the bee this way, means also to quit a job that Clara actually liked. But for the sake of a more relaxed work environment, she could even consider this. But who guarantees her, that it will be better in the new workplace? Isn't there in each company a bee? Maybe quitting is not the ultimate solution. The safer way would be to solve the conflict.
Clara could analyze the situation in a first step to understand better the nature of her relationship with the bee. She could do this alone, with a friend, or a colleague. Questions to be answered would be: When did this competition thing start? Can she identify the origin? What in Clara's behavior could trigger the bee's competitive attitude? Who else is involved in this situation? Which colleagues are influenced by negative environment caused by the fights?
In a second step Clara needs to think about how to solve the conflict. Would it be possible to speak openly to the bee about it? Who could help to mediate the conflict? Can she talk to the management? My participants agreed, that going that open can be either very difficult or even more harmful. In many cases the bee is not a person that one could talk to and the management often doesn't want to be involved in such a complicated situation. But this depends totally on each specific situation and there might be situations, in which one of these approaches could work.
My participants preferred a different approach: Stop fighting! Just ignore the bee's attacks. Treat her "nicely" - not overtly nicely, but normal. Don't take the attacks personal. And be patient! This approach will mean a lot of endurance and energy. Because what will happen for sure? If the bee doesn't see any effect of her attacks any more, she will attack harder, and harder, and harder, hoping to finally hit the right spot. Choosing the "Stop fighting!" approach means, that the situation will become worse before it gets better. But finally the chances are good that this strategy works out. All my participants could tell a story like this and for them all it finally resolved by stopping the fight.
To end this series, I will leave you with the continuation of Clara's story: She goes to the kitchen and gets herself a good glass of red wine. Then she stares out of the window for hours. Finally she makes a decision. She will stop this stupid competition. She will just not enter it anymore. Ignore all attacks. One day the bee has to understand that she is beating the air. She will give it a try.
Next day during the coffee break the bee starts her first attack of the day: “Oh Clara, where do you get always these freaky cloths?!” Clara doesn’t react to it, neither looking angry, nor smiling. She just ignores it. The bee doesn’t give up, her attacks become worse. As she doesn’t achieve her goal, she tries harder every day. But after one month she starts to understand and her attacks become less. Over time she reduces the competition until one day after five or six months she just stops it entirely. And you believe it or not, today Clara and the bee are very good friends. This is a true story, and even though not all stories end as well as this one, it at least can give us a little courage.